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Beliefs, stories and scripts

I mentioned in the past couple of posts that I am following a self-development course. To be honest, this will probably form the basis of quite a few posts until I finish the course. It is a voyage of self-discovery. I plan to share what I undercover about myself to help others do the same for themselves.

This idea is around beliefs, stories and scripts you tell yourself. They don’t necessarily need to be true but you tell yourself they are true. Some of them can be an obstacle in getting where you need to go.

We are especially focusing on the stories you tell yourself about the world. And the stories that you tell yourself about yourself.

Perfectionism

I have have a perfectionist streak. Not all the time but a lot of the time. That things should be done the right way. You should have the right tools for the job. You have to have the right amount of time, money and resources to do things right.

This means whenever I want to do something I have to start planning. Acquiring the knowledge I need. Setting aside the time I need. Gathering the tools I will require.

All this requires work, effort and time. Sometimes it seems like too much effort and I procrastinate. I don’t have the perfect amount of time so I don’t take action.

This happened in my martial arts. I wanted to train more than just the single Saturday session of Jiu-Jitsu. I really I wanted to develop my grappling. Ideally I would attend a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu club. But I had no time on a morning as I drop my kids at school. There was no club near enough for a lunchtime session. Evenings were out as needed to get home for the kids and I already get home at 7pm. So no action gets taken. Circumstances would not allow for the perfect solution.

To get over this I have to remind myself that “done is better than perfect”.

The solution I found was not perfect. I realised my best time to train would be my lunchtime. I have an hour where I could meet up and train. I have a friend in the office next door who is a BJJ purple belt. I have someone to teach me and train with me right next door. I just needed a room with some mats. It took a few months but I found somewhere we could hire for free with mats we could train on.

It is not perfect but it works. It gets the job done. And done is better than perfect.

Doing something is better than nothing

Constant improvement

Maybe it is part of the perfectionist streak but I always think things could be better. I mean things could always be improved.

I am always on a treadmill of constant improvement. Never satisfied that what has been done was good enough.

I could have done this. I should have said that. Next time I will do it like this. Always striving to be better today than I was yesterday. Working towards being better tomorrow than I am today notice this in my speaking at Toastmasters. I have been a member now for about 5 years. Whenever I give a speech, the evaluator always tends to say I am an experienced speaker. Half the time they can’t suggest anything that would improve the speech or me as a speaker. But I tend to see all sorts of holes in my speeches. I could have worded that better. I wandered the stage, I should have been more purposeful in my movement. I keep wafting my hands round, I need to stop that and put them at my side. I seemed very monotone, I need to build in some vocal variety into the speech.

Looking to always improve means I am never satisfied with what I have done. I am always looking to the next goal, the next achievement.

This means I struggle to celebrate what I have achieved. I just gloss over the achievement.

There is being humble. There is playing down your own achievements. But I just plain ignore them. Thinking they weren’t good enough. They could and should be better. So I don’t spend a moment to rejoice. To sit back and be proud.

Be proud of the things you do. Celebrate your achievements. Be present.  Embrace your victories.,

Takeaways

There are beliefs, stories and scripts that we tell ourselves. Either about society or about ourselves. These stories can be an obstacle. They can stop us achieving what we want to achieve.

For me, my perfectionism can prevent me from taking action.

My constant improvement means I don’t celebrate my achievements.

What beliefs, stories and scripts do you tell yourself? About yourself and society. What obstacles do they bring?

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